When they entered the apartment, she was pleasantly surprised. The apartment was nicely furnished. He could clearly pick the better things Ikea had offered in recent years. He’d even tried to create a cozy impression. The radiators were hot. The room was bathed in dark light from a dimmed lamp. There was a heavy, sharp scent of incense sticks in the air. She perceived this as a promise that he would make an effort and wouldn’t rush foreplay. She even forgave him that stupid attempt at a joke about wanting to show her his butterfly collection.
He turned on the harsh cold light of the desk lamp and aimed it directly at the wall covered with something. “Here it is, my collection.”
Without thinking, she approached the wall closer. And began examining the whole thing with interest. She had to concentrate to perceive it, because what she had before her, you definitely wouldn’t see in a biology cabinet.
“Porn!” she nodded appreciatively. Everything that should be in any butterfly porn was there. Butterfly wing fluttering was projected onto the wall. Two strips of shiny silk with admiral butterfly motifs hung from the ceiling. From a flower pot shaped like butterfly wings stuck a large purple perfumed flower with butterflies arranged around it like some pollen feast. From small speakers came the sound of a meadow swept by breeze.
“Do you like it? Porn?” he asked shyly.
“I love everything that’s porn!” she said unnecessarily loudly, as if someone was filming her. And so their porn evening began. He hung a branch with fresh grapes over both their ears. He poured red wine into glasses as slowly as possible. They drank and grimaced as they chased the wine with grapes, as if they’d just drunk tequila. Into a baking dish he sliced hermelín, romadur, emmental, string cheese, tomatoes, and ground meat. He drizzled it all with olive oil, sprinkled it with basil and corn, and let it bake in the oven. After dinner, they spread two chocolate cookies with Nutella and sprinkled them with candy-coated chocolates. Then they slapped them together and ate them like sandwiches.
Time came for conversation. For porn conversation. The hardest part is starting, like with regular conversation. Fortunately, he soon remembered. He tried to mimic the cuteness of some unspecified mammalian young by shaping his eyebrows into a roof: “Here is a seal to break the silence.” This made her happy, because meme porn was her favorite. So she responded with a line from Deadpool. He played his ignorance: “I didn’t know but RIP.” And so it went on. I’ll have popcorn. That feeling when. True story. Hygge. It even got to Czech comedy classics and inside jokes.
And then, maybe, toward morning, they had quite ordinary and somewhat clumsy sex.